Dealing with infertility as a couple is not easy, especially if you are the woman. For us men however, there are things we can do to help out the situation and ease the stress on your beautiful bride.
Here are my 5 secret (or not so secret) tips on how to help ease the stress on your bride!
She hates charting. It reminds her of the infertility you are fighting as a couple. By removing that visual reminder of her current and past cycles, you remove that big daily Red/Green/Yellow reminder. Doing this will also help you understand what is going on with your wife's body, therefore understanding your wife more.
2. Prepare her cocktails of medicines.!
This means reading that page long description of the 10 different pills she has to take throughout the day. You will want to understand what each pill does; that Clomid helps to jump start ovaries in order to induce ovulation and that dim+ helps to promote the "good" estrogen. You will need to administer the HCG shots (and trying your best so that they don't hurt). Packing her pills to so that she can take them during the day. Often doing these little things make it easier for her when she has to swallow her 11 pills on cycle day 20. Bonus: When I give Abby her medicine, I say to her "time for ice cream!"
3. Change subjects
When you are at a party or dinner with other friends and the subject veers towards how they love/hate their children. Just talk about the Lakers or make some weird noise…
If everyone else is talking about something else, they can't make your bride feel uncomfortable.
4. Date night
Date night is very important. It makes her feel special and loved. It allows you both to be alone in somewhere that is not your house. Take her to the local miniature golf course or Disneyland (if you have passes). It doesn't have to be fancy… my wife and I will sometimes go to Mass, then walk all the aisles in Costco (a very dangerous sport).
I can't stress this enough. If you are consistent, she will never feel alone while carrying this cross. If you only do these things once every blue moon, it is meaningless. Her body is unpredictable enough, you have the opportunity to provide some consistency. She may still sometimes get annoyed at you, but she will know you are bugging her because you love her.
Hope you find these tips helpful. Do you have some tips of your own? Leave me a comment.
This is not an easy cross to bear, but together (with Christ) it is a much easier yoke to bear. I never realized how much work it takes to be a husband, but through this journey the love I have for my wife has grown much deeper. And maybe the husbands out there might be asking themselves why they should even care to do any of these 5 things. There is an easy answer for that - because you love her. Infertility is a very touchy subject. You may get a feeling of disappointment and hurt when you start thinking about the fact that you might not be able to play with your own kids, but how much more does your wife feel hurt? Often times women will blame themselves because after all it is their body. So it is important that we, as husbands, do all we can to remove that burden.
It is our job as the Pastor, Provider, and Protector.